One of the great joys of living and practicing in the Bay Area is that I get to work with people from different cultures, belief traditions and approaches to old age. My local family is mostly Irish (with a few Italian cousins), my mother is from Spain and I married into a Texan family with deep roots in the American South. My brothers-in-law are Jewish and Greek. Even within that European heritage, I can see different perspectives on aging and how to care for our elders. And in my practice, I see much wider variations across cultures from around the world.
The first thing to know is that any blanket statements should be taken with a large grain of salt. The particulars of family dynamics trump cultural differences every time. Tolstoy wrote "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." What that means in practice is that when things are working well in a family, elder care tends to be taken for granted. Although there are always some issues and friction, some families just take care of business, with different people taking different roles and working together to support their parents, grandparents, etc. When there are deep rifts in a family, they really show up when the family is put under the stress of taking care of an elder who may not be able to care for themselves any more. That's true in every culture.
That being said, I have noticed a few broad cultural differences in my clients and their families. In many Western cultures, such as in the United States and Europe, there is a focus on individualism, independence, and self-sufficiency. Older people are often encouraged to maintain their independence for as long as possible and may choose to live on their own or in assisted living communities. There is also a strong emphasis on the role of the family in caring for older relatives, but this responsibility may be shared among siblings or other family members rather than falling solely on one person. When there are no children and siblings are not nearby or are also older, I am sometimes asked to step in to manage the client's financial affairs and/or to administer their Trust.
In some other families, particularly with Asian or Latino heritage, there is a greater emphasis on interdependence and the importance of family relationships. Older people are often expected to live with their adult children and play an active role in the family, such as providing childcare for their grandchildren. In these cultures, there is often a sense of obligation to care for older relatives. I often work with children or nieces or nephews in these cases to provide specific help, with the relative working together with me. In other words, I am part of a team, not working alone. In these cases, I might be a resource for the family in some particular area (typically to manage financial affairs or to help with caregiving and household staff).
Bear in mind that none of these approaches to aging is inherently better than others. I have clients who are fiercely independent and accept support only grudgingly. I have others who are more comfortable leaning on family (and/or me) to manage some or all of their needs. As an important part of their team, it's my job to support them in the way that makes the most sense for their values and traditions.
